Sitting on the fence is a painful endeavor

Aunt Annie and I are trying to take a “rest day” today, except for doing laundry, as tomorrow and Monday are probably going to be quite busy days.

We need to start packing, I need to go grocery shopping, and on Monday, I need to both pick up the rental car and continue packing for Tuesday’s departure…

But not before I have one final discussion with a neutral third party as to whether going on this trip makes any sense at all.

My therapist got into a minor car accident on Friday, and her cousin died today, so I’ve not been able to speak with her regarding a particularly weighty issue on my mind.

And, really, neither Aunt Annie nor I haven’t really been able to rest today.

We’ve been fidgeting and worrying all day long, wondering aloud whether we could or should try to take some of the money we’ve raised to put a down payment on a new and/or used and/or leased car, given that the 17-year-old Pacifica isn’t safe for anything but errand-running in the city (which we found out on Friday afternoon)…

But both Aunt Annie and I understand that we’ve made an agreement to provide a service in producing content from the prospect tournament and training camp, and we understand that we’d be breaking our promise if we stayed home.

So we’re dealing with a moral quandary. And as certain relatives are yelling at us about being irresponsible by even contemplating going up to Traverse City, we’ve got our share of doubters.

As I won’t be able to speak with my counselor until Monday evening, I’m not going to get that final run-it-by-me from a neutral party until I’ve picked up the rental car, and have mostly packed up (hopefully!) by then.

The wheels will be in motion, so to speak.

Aunt Annie and I know that in two weeks, we’ll be back from an important trip and resuming a situation in which we don’t have a safe motor vehicle to drive, and we won’t have the money to make a down payment on anything at that time.

It’s a sticky wicket, and neither she nor I have any real answers. Thus the need to speak with the therapist, presuming that she isn’t hit by a meteor.

All I know right now is that the blog community and the hockey community has been very, very kind and very, very generous over the last 24 hours, and supportive as well. Maybe I should shut up, take the money, provide the service, and do so with a less heavy heart, doubters be damned.

If we do go up to Traverse City, we’ve finally raised enough money for the $2,925 hotel room on the GoFundMe. What we need right now is PayPal money, because the $1,450 car rental is going to clean me out in terms of PayPal $, and we’ll need funds to get up to Traverse City in terms of gas and food.

After that, monetarily speaking, it’s not “all gravy.” We’re exhausting our reserves to get the rental car, so we’ll need to raise at least enough money to survive in TC, get back home, and pay our bills. There’s not going to be any profit from this trip–just the promise of retaining our self-sufficiency.

Long story long, there are two people full of self-doubt and doubt planted by others in this 55-and-up condominium this evening. We’ve been trying our best to “take the day off,” but the day has taken us on a ride through the towns of Worry, Doubt and Fear.

Now I’ve got laundry to do, hockey news to search for and an 81-year-old to take care of either way. At this point, we’re probably committed to the Traverse City trip, mostly because everyone from the Mysterious Benefactor to the smallest donor have all put their faith in us, and neither my aunt nor I want to screw this up.

But we’re scared, worried, and we’re doubting ourselves, enough to ruin what was supposed to be a really good “rest day.” We’ve talked about our issues, we’ve taken extra medication to help alleviate our anxieties, and we’re doing better, but better is not necessarily good.

I guess that’s the reality of being an adult. You don’t have all the answers, and sometimes you take big leaps and make hard decisions based upon faith and the faith others place upon your shoulders, even if that faith feels unbearably heavy sometimes.

There’s nobody that’s going to miraculously appear to give Aunt Annie or me an answer as to what the “right thing to do” might be, so I guess we go forward moment by moment, and hope that we’re doing the right thing.

I’m not asking you for any answers, either. I understand that we’re adults here, and it’s up to the aunt and I to come to terms with the decision we make.

We have to decide whether it’s worth significantly denting my reputation and pissing off a lot of supporters by taking car money and running with it, or whether the promises we’ve made are worth keeping, consequences be damned, because the community matters, and it wants us to look uncertainty in the face and deal with it.

So:

If you can lend a hand with our overall expenses, we have an old-fashioned GoFundMe here https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-george-annie-attend-prospect-tournament, you can use PayPal at https://paypal.me/TheMalikReport, Venmo at https://venmo.com/george-malik-2, Giftly by using my email, rtxg@yahoo.com, at https://www.giftly.com. And you can contact me via email if you want to send me a paper check. I’m also on Cash App under “georgeums.”

As always, thanks for your time, your readership, and your support.