Your friend the anxious blogger

All my life–since I was a very little kid–I can remember living with chronic anxiety and depression.

From answering the door to talk to the Jehovah’s Witnesses that had a Kingdom Hall two blocks away to ordering at McDonald’s to starting my homework to facing a test in school to doing laundry, I’ve always had a heightened level of anticipatory anxiety, toward everything I do in my life, and there are times that the anxiety I feel is disabling.

I take medication to combat my anxiety, under a psychiatrist’s care, and I see a therapist. I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and major depression–they walk hand in hand in my case–and I’ve made a lot of progress in my life as far as dealing with anxiety and depression goes…

But my brain chemistry is messed up, my perceptions don’t necessarily match reality when it comes to anticipating anxiety-causing actions, and no amount of the little blue pill I take called Klonopin can knock my anxiety below what is probably a 9 on a normal person’s scale of 1 to 10.

Long story long, despite a lot of support from my family and friends (and readers!), psychiatric medication and significant progress made in terms of coping skills, I deal with anticipatory anxiety on a daily basis, on a task-by-task basis, and even though I’ve been blogging since 2006 and talking about hockey online since 1999, this whole blogging business causes me anxiety.

Most of the time, I’m able to battle through it, but there are times that I have episodes where the anxiety spirals out of control, and it can literally knock me off my feet.

I live with psychiatric disabilities. I try my best to be productive and useful to others.

I care for my aunt, I care for myself as best I can, and I try to keep this blogging business going on a semi-professional level. But there are days that I can’t make it through it all–or any of it.

I don’t expect you to understand it, to relate, or to even have sympathy for people with mental illness, but I do think that you should know why there are times that I miss games or “miss time,” and I do still believe that, at least most of the time, I can work through my illnesses to provide you with a solid product.

I’m trying my best every day, but some days are better than others, still, and that’s frustrating as hell for me, but I’m going to keep trying.

I hope you’ll come along for the ride.

Published by

George Malik

My name is George Malik, and I'm the Malik Report's editor/blogger/poster. I have been blogging about the Red Wings since 2006, when MLive hired me to work their SlapShots blog, and I joined Kukla's Korner in 2011 as The Malik Report. I'm starting The Malik Report as a stand-alone site, hoping that having my readers fund the website is indeed the way to go to build a better community and create better content.

4 thoughts on “Your friend the anxious blogger”

  1. I certainly understand, GPs can be dumber than HSJ. Now doctor wants to change a Med that I have been taking for about 24 yrs. It has worked great. BUT New Province,new doctor says I have to change the med due to age. He is British and only Uses British Med Info.
    Sadly there a few if any Docs taking patients. The War is on and I told him I would look for a New Doctor, he hung up the phone. I now have his cell number on my phone display.
    Anyway, I will get what I need.

    I sure can’t see you as a little kid, must be the beard. LOL I realize it will come and go and hang around for different lengths of time.

    There are a lot worse medical problems in the World today. Psychiatrists are not right for me, still not sure if they talk? They seem to be only trained how to write prescriptions. I always manage to find one.

    So I will be around to read and sometimes respond to your Blogs. Pray for me, I only get to see the Canadian Division, so I will get Toronto and Toronto and only other teams when Toronto is not playing.

    Glad you are back!! Does Blashill always get attached to a Players Comments/Videos after the Game ??

    1. Wingedrider you employ your doctor. He or she works for you not the other way around. Fire them if you don’t agree with what they do. Having been in the pharmaceutical business, I ran into plenty of doctors who are not competent. Do you know what they call the person who graduates last in med school………doctor. I have also had OCD to deal with personally. At one time in my life it was horrible, now it is as irritating as a pimple. There is treatment and hope out there always. Stay strong. Go Wings!

      1. I agree 100%!! Unfortunately in Vancouver there are few if any Docs taking new patients. I started seeing another Doc who works with my Doc. My Doc ran into a tree at Big White Resort, sadly he recovered. So I was back to the Old British My understanding is that United States is offering More $$ to nurses, physicians , etc

  2. George, there is no way I can understand what you go through. I have empathy, but I am not sure how to direct it constructively. As a man of faith, I can and do pray for you, for what it’s worth. In this world mental illness is quite misunderstood by most of us. We just don’t know how to deal with the loved ones in our lives who suffer from depression and anxiety. I learned a long time ago that overcoming an episode of depression is not a matter of just telling someone to “cheer up” or “get over it”. George, you’ve been an open book for us when it comes to your condition and your situation. I for one have no problem waiting for you to work through these difficult times. I’m just glad to see you fight and eventually come out the other side.

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